Sa-rah, Sa-rah, Sa-rah! John, the crowds love me. I'm the real American idol now. A pistol packing, moose hunting, pork barreling, earmarking celebrity. Will the real Britney Spears stand up--here I am.
Ahh...John, this is a dream come true. A Palin/McCain administration is going to bring some real excitement to our GOP and it is all because of me and "my guy". I raised $4.4 million for the campaign in the 12 hours after you found me. I've taken 20 points worth of white women voters from Sambo--oops--Obama (didn't mean to let it slip out again). I am gonna be the best president...uhh...vice-president ever. Excuse this Freudian slip, but it might as well be the true because I am the reason why we're still in this race. Sambo ain't gonna beat this pistol packer!
The people love me and the people in the other 48 states besides Alaska does too. All of the Alaskans that matter, that is. The blacks don't matter, for sure. That's why I don't have one of 'em in my administration.
Back to the Alaskans that matter; the good people that grow in our small towns, particularly in Wasilla. Did you hear that my opponent in the Alaskan senate said? She's a GOP traitor (and the president of the Republican led senate), the kind I like ot reform out of office. Lydia Green said, "I think what happened here was her personal desire to satisfy a local constituency, and not what is right for the state."
She's damn right! As long as I secure my federal earmarks I'm ok. Why should I care about the other 48 states. We got oil up here. Don't let this get out, but 3/4 of the value of a barrel of oil is taken by my state before it is permitted to leave the state. My constituents get $3200/year from the oil revenues and particularly because of my push to take advantage of rising oil prices. I know how patriotic you are about your country John--country first and so on, but it's me 1st and then Alaskan 2nd in my eyes.
But we're doing a superb job of hoodwinking everybody Your guy, Rick Davis, is also doing a cool job of coddling me from the media. Anyway, the public likes stories more than issues. They believed I sold my house on ebay. Yeah, right! They believe I've done a great job of vetoing $500 million on state spending even though that was only 2% of the proposed budget.
John, we're fooling 'em--we're fooling 'em! I'm so fabulous, wow!
Hey I saw you on 60 minutes on Sunday and you looked great. I especially loved the part where you showed the dog tag of a soldier killed in Iraquistan (I don't see the difference between Afghanistan and Iraq. Maybe I'll get some enlightenment when I meet at the UN this week). That crash course in foreign affairs will give me the experience I need to debate Biden next week. That'll do great with my extensive 21 month executive experience as governor.
Before I log out, what do you wanna do about the Wall St. problem? I say reform everything. When I say that word "reform" everyone gets excited even though I don't ever say what I'm gonna reform thing to because I really don't know.
I guarantee you'll win the debate against Obama if you say reform at least two dozen times. Go get 'em you ole maverick!
BTW, the other 48 states are more dense than my Alaskans. I'm winning an election that a republican has no business winning.
And I don't care who read this e-mail because...I'm gonna reform. Reform! Reform! Reform!
Now watch the polls rise.
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