An Excerpt From President Bush's Blog by Marlon Peterson

The American public is so stupid! As president, I couldn't ask for more.

In the days after 9/11 I wasn't sure how to promote this war. I thought calling it a "crusade" was kind of catchy--with a historic twist, but my advisers thought I was being too radical. So I took the advice of Dick and decided to market the war as a Global War on Terrorism. Ya know, "friends of our enemies are also our enemies". The fools actually fell for it!

Oh, then I stole a line from ole Woodrow Wilson. Promoting his war, he told the public that the war "was as a selfless act by the American people, not a war for national conquest or economic gain, but to make the world safe for democracy". Sounds familiar, right? I bet these idiots thought that I made that up myself. I must admit, it does sound original.

I outdid myself with that one because with that statement I set the stage to declare war on the Middle East (except Israel, of course); Afghanistan was too easy, besides, I really wanted Sadaam. He and my Daddy had some unfinished business and I am my daddy's keeper.

I had to figure out a way to manipulate those American bozos.

Bingo!

I told them that Sadaam was a friend of ...ummmm.ha...bin...bin... whatever his name. I also ran that "friend of our enemy is also our enemy" line. It was a long shot, but it worked. I milked it more and said that Iraq has weapons of Mass Destruction--even though I thought that was absurd. WMDs was just a grandiose name for big guns, missiles, and bombs. Didn't we blow up Hiroshima and Nagasaki beacuse they dropped WMDs on Pearl Harbor? That was--ninth grade history. They do say that the average American reads at an eighth grade level, so I guess I beat the numbers by a grade. Rummy came up with that one after a night of whiskey shots (too bad I had to give him the boot like that). We even had that sellout Colin swearing to the UN that Sadaam was hiding WMDs. That's OUR BOY!

Then there was the game of word semantics. "The Great War for Democracy", "The Democratic Peace Aim Theory", and my favorite "The Bush Doctrine". Laura gets excited every time I say it.

I had the public believing that democratic nations would make for a more peaceful world, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Re-election year approached and I had to cook up a plan to distract the dense public from real issues. Voila! The gays. I gave my political base names like neo-conservatives and the religious right. I had them terrified that the Democrats were gonna legitimize gay marriage. Honestly, why would I be against gay marriage if my VP has a daughter that's a lesbo. The distraction worked better than I thought. I didn't even have to steal the election. More people voted for me than before. God, I love this stupid country! The American people make me feel samart (sic).

I bettered them at my 2nd Inaugural Address. What did I say? Oh, yeah:

"The best hope for peace in our world is the expansion of freedom in the entire world"

I wanted to laugh so badly as I said that, that I farted at the podium.

I outlasted my dad, but there had to be some changes. Colin was becoming a nuisance, so I fires him and hire Candi... I mean, Condi. I like to call her Auntie Candi; it fits her just right.

Together we would browbeat the American with more semantics that would propagate the war: Islamic extremists, radicals, insurgents, Islamofascists, and so on. Auntie Candi tickles me with her term, "neoimperialist"-- that's a secret. It described me perfectly because I am a money and power hooligan just like the Muslims. Hip hop ain't got nuthin' on this thug.

Forced democratization--Democratic extremist. I hope that Al Jazeera doesn't get hip to those terms; they're not as manipulative as the American public-- or are they?

I hear that thousands of soldiers have died. The number of US citizens killed in terrorist attacks has risen compared to pre-9/11 levels. Global terrorism has nearly quadrupled since 2000. I got tens of thousands of Iraqis dead already in the name of peace. Peace, what!? Piece of my gun-slinging cowboy ass! That's Dick's favorite line. Yahoo!

Remember when I had to convince the public that we need to "clarify" the rules of the Geneva Convention. I've been wiretapping illegally for years, but it's time I convince the fools that I need their permission to do it. I had an interview with Paul A. Gigot of the "Wall Street Journal". Here's a bit of what I told him:

"Now my view of the country is this: Most people want us to win. There are a good number who say, get out now. But most Americans are unified in the concept--of the idea of winning".

Especially Ole Johnny Mac. The audacity of these idiots like Baracko, Gore, Biden, and that bitch Hillary, with her pant suit sisterhood.

You know, it's a good thing that these blogs can't be erased by anyone else, but it wouldn't matter anyways because the American public is sooooo stupid!